Basically, when my confidence is at an all time low, or is non existent, there are little moments that i like to hold on to that help me through it. It could be only a passing few seconds, but if it's something which makes me smile, i like to hold on to it in my head and use it to try and perk myself up a bit. I suppose in the same way people put money away for a rainy day, i put thoughts away for a sad day. Think of me as a female Eeyore, and you're pretty much there!
Moment number one-
Dexters beautiful smile! This is a regular one as it happens several times a day, but my son has such a gorgeous gummy grin, it instantly makes me feel warm and fuzzy inside! Just knowing Lee and i created this wonderful happy little person makes me want to be happy for him. I really don't want him to see me as someone who hides themself away and I don't want him to think that's the way you cope with depression. I'm working on it, i really am.
Moment number two-
Lee told me I was beautiful. This means so much because I spend so long infront of the mirror trying to look nice, for fear that another girl will catch Lee's eye. Deep down i know it won't happen, but when I'm so down in the dumps, I'm not easy to live with and i doubt everything. I love him for loving me despite all of this.
Moment number three-
My mom told me she thinks Lee and i are great parents. This made me really happy because, although it can be challenging at times, we do our very best for Dexter. I'm sure all parents will agree, it's a lovely feeling when someone compliments the way you raise your child. I think it's helped that we're still young enough to be daft ourselves without looking completely mental, so we bring that fun and silliness into our parenting. Obviously, when Dexter is a little older, we will bring the boring discipline too and set rules and boundaries. Right now I'm enjoying being a silly, song singing, face pulling kind of Mom! It's a welcome distraction from everything negative in my head and makes Dexter a happy little chappy!
Moment number four-
Lee's parents being amazed at how quickly Dexter is coming along. Dexter is already standing, aided of course, and he's only 17 weeks old on Tomorrow! He's so intent on standing in fact, sometimes he will cry until you hold his hands and help him to stand, then he refuses to sit down! Watching Dexter smile, laugh and babble away in baby language to his Nannie and Grandad and seeing them smile back in amazement makes me so so proud. Dexter brought me so much joy from the moment i first saw that beautiful little baby on the monitor at the hospital, to finding out baby was a 'he', to feeling those tiny little legs and arms jiggling about in my tummy to the present day and it's so nice to see him bring joy to others too!
Moment number five-
Watching my Niece, Lili, playing with Dexter. I have two nieces, Lili and Jazmine and a Nephew, Joel. I always love seeing them and they have me in stitches every time we talk. I look at them and can't believe what lovely, quick witted young people they've become and I'm so proud of them. They all make me proud in different ways, but last week in particular, Lili made me so proud with the way she looked after her little cousin Dexter. It had been a couple of weeks since Dexter had seen them, so he likes to give them a good staring at for at least 10 minutes before he decides whether he will be smiley Dexter or sad Dexter. This entire time, Lili cuddled him on her lap and chatted away to him as if he was her best friend. It made me a bit emotional thinking of how i did exactly that with her when she was Dexters age, and how time has gone so quickly from then to now. It wasn't long before Dexter was smiling away and babbling to her, he absolutely loved her! Jazmine and Joel love Dexter to pieces and he loves them loads too, but as this post is about moments this week, Lili was nursery nurse of the day! Jaz and Joel got some lovely gummy grins and cuddles later on in the day though :)
So there are my top five positive moments of the week! It's been quite therapeutic writing these down, as it's helped me put everything in perspective and made me think about how, although I have had a little dark cloud hanging over me lately, I am actually a very very lucky lady for lots of reasons. I'm sure my confidence will come back over time and moments like these will help me along the way.
If you're a new mummy or mummy to be and you're feeling a little down in the dumps, maybe write down things that make you happy in your day to day lives and see how it lifts your mood. It can be just the motivation you need to do something positive and fulfilling in your life, maybe even something out of your comfort zone that you would have never even thought of before! I'm going to try and push myself more to do things out of my comfort zone and be a little braver. Not letting your lack of confidence get the better of you is the first step to feeling happier!
Much love,
Laura Xxx
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