I remember when I found out i was expecting Dexter. I had been moaning at Lee for weeks that my boobs were really sore, and I just felt funny but couldn't put my finger on what was causing it. Then my period was late and got later and later and later...then just didn't appear! I insisted I was pregnant but Lee was a little more sceptical as I did convince myself i was pregnant every time my period was anything more than a day late, which was quite often. It was a bit of wishful thinking on my part, since we suffered a miscarriage the previous year, I was dying to have a baby ever since. I think an event like that either makes you give up entirely or realise just how much you both wanted a family. With us it was the latter. So anyway, there i was trying to convince him and I finally got him to agree to buy a pee stick at the end of the month when I got paid, that was if my period didn't rear it's ugly head in the meantime. Now, I'm not often right but this time, I was definitely barking up the right tree for once! I got up at 3am with a start and looked at the test sitting next to the bed. I couldn't wait any longer so snuck off down the landing to the bathroom. Sitting there staring at a stick soaked in your own pee is not usually a passtime of mine, but I could feel myself shaking with nerves. Part of me knew how gutted i would be if the test was negative and also how Lee would be all 'i told you so' and life would just carry on as normal and I would feel as if i was never going to have a baby...ever! Then, there it was! My heart skipped a beat and my eyes filled with tears. I quickly washed my hands and rushed back to bed.
"Lee, Lee, Lee, Lee" i whispered while shaking him vigorously.
Lee made some sort of grunting snort noise.
"LOOK!! I was right!!" I exclaimed, shoving the test under his nose (which was perfectly acceptable under the circumstances).
He squinted at the test and held it away from his face, then closer. A big smile spread across his face and I knew he had read it. We were going to be parents!!
Neither of us could sleep after that! Luckily, we both had the day off so we went off to macdonalds at 5am and had a celebratory breakfast as we were starving, excited and too tired to cook. Let's face it, nothing says 'wow, we're expecting a baby' like macdonalds hash browns!
So since that day, every second has been a learning curve. You'll find everyone and their nan wants to give you advice and tell you what they did when they were pregnant or when their children, who are now at least in their thirties, were little. Now, although you do take some advice and others with a pinch of salt, you still have to find your own style and way of doing things in general. Afterall, every baby is different and responds to very different things!
Here are the things i have learnt which have helped me, and also things i have learnt about myself since becoming a mom.
"His top lip is blue/white, he has wind"
Sounds daft doesn't it? Like some weird old wives tale you've found in some dusty book in the library, where the pictures display parents with bubble perms wearing stonewashed denim dungarees and batwing jumpers. Let me tell you, this is the best advice i ever received from my health visitor! It was just a passing comment, but one which has stayed with Lee and i and helped us on many occasions. Dexter had just finished his bottle and had been winded, but just wouldn't settle and kept fidgeting and moaning. Karen (that's the health visitor by the way) told us that he still had a bit of trapped wind because his top lip was a bluey white colour. Lee and I looked at each other like she had gone bonkers, but seconds after Lee slung him over his shoulder to pat his back, he had let out a colossal belch and was straight to sleep! We love this tip because we no longer wonder why he's niggling after a feed. Sometimes it's just a bit of wind that's still trapped, even after winding him for ages!
There is no room for selfishness
I remember a time when I was about 17 and I thought the world revolved around me. Every payday involved me going shopping with my friends or online and buying a load of clothes, or whatever I wanted, and trying them on infront of the mirror and, depending on my mood, thinking i looked awesome or really fat (I was a size 8/10, how sickening). I would spend ages on MySpace and facebook and I could easily spend 3 hours just taking selfies and trying out different hairstyles or makeup looks. I'm pretty sure this is acceptable when you're a teenager with no real reponsibilities, but not when you're a Mom. I know of moms who can't wait to give their kids to someone else so they can go out and kid themselves that they're still 18 while gyrating around with immature teenage boys like they're desperate for attention. This really isn't my thing at all. I see Lee, myself and Dexter as a family and i much prefer to go out with them and see Dexter smile after a good day out than be ogled by boys who are off their faces and barely old enough to blow their nose. I mean, what will my party trick be? Showing off my c-section scar?! (I just threw up in my mouth a little)
Of course, I'm not saying you can NEVER go out without your kids! That would be crazy! All I'm saying is, when you become a mom, there is no room to put yourself first. Yes, you might really want a new wardrobe or to have a spray tan or that expensive pair of shoes but if your baby needs a new car seat or new clothes in the next size, your needs should always come last. Moms can be wonderful and glamorous but do you know what makes a truly beautiful, amazing mom? One that would do anything to make her family happy.
Taking a little time for you is ok
It might have sounded, in my last point, that you should only do things for your family and nothing for yourself. This of course isn't true! Once your baby has gone down for a nap, pamper yourself a little!
Paint your nails, put on a face mask and watch a film you like or, like me, write a blog post! Taking some time to reconnect with yourself can help keep you calm and more relaxed and able to deal with stressful situations more easily. It's essential you still remember that you're a woman and not just a giant muslin square covered in sick and dribble!
Accepting help is important
You will find that everyone wants to babysit, even if it's just for 10 minutes while you sterilise bottles and put some laundry in the washing machine. I am still struggling with this, as I try to be Wonder Woman and do everything with Dexter on my hip. I figure that I need to adapt and learn to do things in a different way so I can hold the baby at the same time. It does help though, when I can have a little nap now and then and my mom has Dexter or when I can actually eat my dinner with two hands! Accepting a little help doesn't make you a failure, it just gives you a little time to recharge your batteries or to get jobs done which are difficult to do with one hand! Plus, you do need to remember your partner and sometimes it can be nice to pop out for a drink together or even watch a film together while a relative looks after your little one.
Kids tv is ridiculously catchy
I find myself singing the entire Mickey Mouse Clubhouse theme song on a regular basis, no joke! Dexter still has his naps and doesn't watch tv constantly, but when he does, he laughs his head off at Mickey Mouse! He also loves Bing bunny on Cbeebies. Be prepared to hum a tune to yourself and realise it was a song on today's episode of 'Sophia the first'. It can be a real eye roller when you catch yourself doing it, but it's something all parents can identify with! Just thank your lucky stars you don't have to deal with the teletubbies shouting 'again,again'!!
Have you got any parenting tips or ways you've found your life or outlook has changed since becoming a parent? I'd love to hear them :)
Until next time,
Laura Xx
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