A letter to my son...

Dexter, you may be only 4 months old with no teeth and a penchant for yelling in baby language at 4am, but one day you will be a man. It's really hard for me to imagine what you'll look like, what your interests will be, where you'll work (premier league footballer playing for arsenal of course!) and what your first girlfriend...or even boyfriend will be like! There are so many questions regarding the future when it comes to babies. I often gaze at you and wonder what kind of a person you'll be. To be honest, my main aim for you is that you live a long, happy and healthy life. There are, however, certain things i want you to know.

1. If everyone was the same, the world would be a very boring place. This is coming from your mother who, when she was a teenager, was considered a 'goth' or 'greebo'. I never really cared for being pigeonholed according to what clothes i was wearing or what bands were on my MP3 player. I just never really found it relevant. I judged people by their actions and how they behaved, regardless of what they looked like. I would like you to do the same. If you really think about it, your Dad and I would probably never have got together had we been at high school together and acted like the other kids. Your Dad was sporty whereas I was picked last for everything when it came to PE. Your Dad was tall, dark and handsome and I was pale, short and sickly. Your Dad wore clothes made by Fred perry, Henleys and Mckenzie when I would wear Famous Stars and Straps, Converse and Iron Fist. Despite all this, however, there comes a time when you grow up and none of that silly stuff matters anymore. Your Dad and I have a deep connection and he is my best friend and soulmate, no clothing label or outside opinion could ever change that. Basically, embrace others differences. They're not a reason for ridicule. 

2. Be respectful to girls...or boys. Now I don't know whether you'll be gay or straight, but i first of all want to tell you that your Dad and I don't care as long as you're happy. We will always support you! But whatever gender of partner you end up with, I want you to be respectful to them and also to yourself. Please don't ever think it's acceptable to be the boxer OR punching bag in any relationship. In the same way, also don't think it's ok to yell at your partner or speak to them in a way that makes them feel worthless. Your Dad and I have both been in unhealthy,unstable relationships in which the other person thought it was ok to act this way, then recoiled in horror as they were finally stood up to. These people are bullies, cowards and generally not very nice people. Sadly there are a lot of them around which can make it hard to find someone genuine. When you do though...wow! It's the best feeling! Your Dad took my bruised and untrusting heart and made it happy, vibrant and loving again! Please don't let your heart become this vulnerable to begin with, like i did. Find the courage to stand up for yourself before a bad situation becomes an everyday situation.

3. Don't do things just because your mates are. If you are ever uncomfortable with a situation, especially if it involves drugs or anything else illegal, just walk away! Trust me, you might get agro from so called friends at the time, but the decision will benefit you far more in the long run and it takes far more courage than just following irresponsible people who make bad decisions! 

4. Try to be positive! It can be hard some days, no matter your situation or age, to have a positive outlook. What you need to remember, however, is that there's always someone somewhere in a much worse situation than your own. Be thankful for every day, no matter how stressful. Afterall, there are people who are seriously ill who would do anything for a stressful day, as long as it meant they had their health back. 

5. Never forget where you come from! This is very important, especially if you ever become successful in any way. It never looks big or clever if you become arrogant and think you are better than anyone else. Always stay humble, it's much more appealing! 

6. Treat others as you would like to be treated. People who are only nice to certain people are not genuine. Have a smile for everyone and make others happy as well as yourself! There is an expression- 'a person who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person'

I wish more people acted on this when I worked in catering! 

Now, I'm sure there are many other things i haven't covered, but these are pretty much the basics of how to grow up to be a nice, likeable person. I'm certain you won't even need to read this, as I know now by looking at your beautiful gummy smile that you'll be a lovely, happy man someday! Just know that, no matter where your life takes you, your Dad and I love you very very much and always will. 

All my love and hugs, always,

Mom 

XxxxxX