When i was about 15, i was convinced that i would be a world famous tattoo artist by the time i was 21. I thought that i would be able to ensure the financial stability of everyone around me and i would date some heavily tattooed bloke in a band who would think i was bloody marvellous. We would be the next Sid and Nancy...without the drugs and death though obviously! All of my friends would be these arty, alternative types with crazy coloured hair and piercings and i would live in London in some massive gothic mansion.
As you can tell, my life panned out very differently! I often wonder what would have happened if i just went with what i wanted to do and applied to uni, instead of letting myself be talked out of it by my then boyfriend. He was a big underachiever who had a much higher opinion of his xbox than me and, looking back now, i just can't believe i let someone like that have such control over my life and my future. I remember going on a residential trip to London with my A-Level media class and absolutely loving the rush and noise of the city...and that just never left me.
What actually happened to me is not exactly glamorous. I started working in my local Asda café when i was 16 and started seeing a bloke who started out like Dr Jekyll and ended up very much like Mr Hyde. For some reason, despite physical and mental abuse, i carried on seeing him for five long years. That was until someone else caught my eye. He was tall and tanned and fit and, although i had been monogamous for my entire relationship, i found myself thinking about him more and more. He was funny and witty too, literally the most gorgeous man i had ever seen. He was also friends with my boyfriend at the time. Part of me knew that i should end my relationship but, every time i tried to, he would cry and beg for me back. He would tell me he was sorry for all of the nasty things he did and said and that he would never do it again. Trouble was, i was sick of hearing it every week. I was tired of feeling lied to and betrayed all the time and, slowly but surely, i stopped feeling any loyalty towards him whatsoever.
I went out one day with this guy as i needed to shop for my best friends birthday present and we kissed...a lot. It was never my intention to go about things the way i did, but we knew that we liked each other.
Lee and i on one of our first dates at the Sealife centre.
Needless to say, it all got very messy for a while and my name was dragged through the mud at work (did i mention we all worked together?). My then ex went around like butter wouldn't melt, crying to anyone who would listen about how i betrayed him and how i was so horrible. He of course, failed to mention the time he picked me up by my throat or the time he pushed me so hard against my chest of drawers, my back was black and blue. Funny that! I could have written a book on betrayal after that relationship, but my new fella helped me re write all of the pages of my story.
Within 4 months of our relationship starting, we had moved out together and he had asked me to marry him! As you may have guessed, this lovely new man is my Lee. The absolute love of my life and the reason i have a beautiful son asleep upstairs right now.
So, to answer the the question, no! I have no regrets! Not a single one! The way i see it is, if i had gone to university i might never have met Lee and had Dexter.
Much better than a degree, don't you think?
So, next time someone tries to make you feel bad for how your life has panned out, or makes you feel like becoming a mother is not a bloody massive achievement, have a think. Think carefully about how your life could be without your little one and your partner. I'm betting, despite the sleeplessness and looking like a bit of a wreck from time to time, you wouldn't change it for the world! (Also, give that person a dead leg from me!!)
Until next time,
Laura Xxx
No comments:
Post a Comment